I know I got this idea from some blog while I was bloghopping but I just couldn't figure out which blog. According to that person, to cap the year, take the first sentences of the first entries for each month of the past year. Below are mine's. In a way, it sort of summarizes my emotions in the whole year. Kinda. =)
January
i have always believed in my instinct because most of the times i have always been right with it.
February
presented with a situation, i always find myself dissecting and analyzing whatever pieces of information i have on hand.
March
I got this(Canon SD400)! and i'm happy now. ^_^
April
(The Pontiff is Dead) And I mourn with the rest of the world.
May
i need to set my priorities.
June
-
July
Canada Day Lights Up! (photos)
August
Eversince I had my birthdays away from my family, I have never been a fan of the day.
September
I made it happen.
October
I was browsing though my Friendster last night and saw my cousin who went back home a couple of weeks ago post new photos.
November
i could say that i'm just too busy with work but i really am not.
December
freakin' spoiled racist bitch!
May the coming year bring us all the blessings and happiness. Happy new year!!!
2005: The blog that was.
CHRISTmas
Nothing beats Christmas in the Philippines. Whereas people are busy worrying about gifts here, we don't worry about that back home. Well at least for me, I don't. Our family don't. Back then, we don't have extra money to buy gifts so that wasn't really part of our celebration. Christmas to us was about making the house clean always, heavy with christmas decorations, the parol, the christmas tree, the food, and going to church. Yes, no gifts and no santa. It's all about the preparation for the celebration of the birth of Christ. Well, that's what christmas is about!! It's really frustrating here that all people think of are gifts and santa. Really, santa is bullshit. Sorry kids but he is. It's sad to see people calling santa gift giving as a tradition. According to the American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language:
Tradition n. (tr
-d
sh
n)
- The passing down of elements of a culture from generation to generation.
- A set of such customs and usages viewed as a coherent body of precedents influencing the present.
I wish Filipinos would not succumb to Canadian commercialism of celebrating Christmas. My, they don't even mention what Christmas really is for!?! All they have in minds are gifts, gifts, and more gifts. How I wish Filipinos would celebrate Christmas here the way they're supposed to be, the way our tradition is really done -- going to church, helping those in need, doing good, noche buena, and family. I don't know why we can't. Let's beat the cold and celebrate it our way, not their way.
Merry Christmas!!!
fob
freakin' spoiled racist bitch! just because you're born here in canada doesn't give you the right to call all immigrants fob's. i don't really have a problem being that but the tone and the intended derogatory meaning behind the word makes me want to fume and slap your white face. before you say that word again, please please please think first. or better yet, look all around you. aren't you surrounded by f$#kin' fob's??? fob's who have raised you and treated you like a princess? i pity them. they don't know they're raising a brute in their own house.
brat.
handwriting analysis
The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You are self-confident and like to bring attention to yourself.
standby
i could say that i'm just too busy with work but i really am not. i don't know but i just don't have the inclination to write anymore. i mean, i still want to write. i still react to a lot of things and want to write them down. it's just that when i get in front of the computer, all those thoughts vanish like smoke. so, 'til i get my desire back...
hasta lavista.
"KINDNESS is the best revenge."
I wanna go home.
happy faces! I miss them all. It's a kind of miss that's just so piercing I just have to browse fast so as not to miss them more. Of course I didn't succeeded on that. What? Just this morning, I logged in again and looked at the pictures. Aaarrggghhhh! Torture. I so miss them so much.
Please Lord, let me win the lotto so I can have the fare to go home. Please please please.
-----------------------------
Only losers try their luck on the Lotto, or any form of quick money campaign. Which makes me...
How stressed are you?
The pictures below are used to test the stress level a person can handle. The slower the picture moves, the better your ability of handling stress. Alleged criminals that were tested see them spinning around madly. However, senior citizens and kids see them standing still.
How do you see them?
*None of the images above are animated. They are perfectly static!
** Information is not verified to be true. Taken from an email forwarded to me.
I made it happen.
I have never believed in luck or destiny or fate or feng shui or whatever old beliefs my parents and grandparents have taught me. Although sometimes they do coincide, I believe that when they did, they were just that - plain coincidences. In whatever goal we aspire,we always have to strive to do something to have it. Everything is in to our hands to make things happen.
The last couple of months have been crazy busy. Life, work and love all caught up with me that I don't even know which is which, which is not to say I'm complaining. With all these blessings, I can only thank whoever is above making these happen for me. I so feel the love.
Life. I just moved to my own house. Yes, my own house. My new home. A year ago, I didn't dream of owning a house. A cozy room of my own is enough. I didn't want to waste my time and money on the responsibility of owning a house. But things happen in your life when you're bound to make decisions that will lead to life-changing changes. Having my own house is one of those. A series of things happened and the next thing I knew, I was house-hunting. After a couple of weeks, I found the house I wanted. A couple of months later, I am working my ass packing my things and moving into a new place. The best thing so far is planning and doing all the decorating. The worst is being broke.
Love. After all that I've been through, I never expected to meet someone again and end up loving him dearly. (naks!) I never expected there's still someone as kind and loving and thoughtfull and caring as he can be. I never expected to fall in love again. Then again, I never do things the way it's expected to be. I can only hope now this will work.
Work. The busiest of 'em all. My last five summer weekends were spent working at the office. How boring can summer be? Still, work is work. Gotta do what we gotta do.
So it's down to the end of September. Getting so used to life at home. Getting some time to breath at work. Getting all the love.
I made it happen.
ignore tomorrow
Eversince I had my birthdays away from my family, I have never been a fan of the day. I always can't wait for the day to end. Tomorrow is not going to be different. As much as I am thankful that I had just lived another year and is still alive to enjoy another year or month or day or minute or second for that matter, I just want the day to pass and move on to the normal days. As much as I thought I've been through all the drama life could offer, something comes up. Still have too much drama.
--------------------
My birthday always reminds me how lonely and alone I am. It still does.
realization
i can't write when i'm happy. i can't write when i'm in love. i just live in the moment. taking everything i can in my mind. while i still can. while it's all still there.
until the day it ceases to be what it is.
"i miss you baby"
ewww! so corny... very very sappy... pero kilig kaayo ko when he told me that.. *smiles*
la lang. somebody was asking for a lovelife update so here it is - my closest semblance of a lovelife. still zero but someone is definitely creeping in.
i need to set my priorities.
for the past months now, i have been anxious to get a place of my own - live alone, buy my own furniture, decorate my own home, cook my own food without thinking if some people would find it edible, or walk nekkid around the house. err, okay.. naked is out. but i really want my own privacy. after 2 years of living with people, i so want to live by myself that i am willing to splurge my well-earned money for this kind of luxury -- yes, a luxury. i consider living alone in this foreign land a luxury. for why would you spend $800 for an apartment rent when you can rent a bedroom for just $400? but then privacy is expensive. and if you want it, you have to pay its price. i want it and i think i am ready and willing to pay the price now.
i think.
if i am really going to do it right and be a smartass, i should buy my own home rather than just rent. if i buy one, i may be paying more than the usual rent but i am paying for my own place. definitely a BIG investment. so now i'm contemplating of buying my own place. right now, i am eyeing a one bedroom condo with a very nice tub. hehe.. yeah, i am a sucker for beautiful bathrooms.
80% sure of buying the condo.
20% leaning on saving it for a big vacation back home.
decisions decisions.
work has been exhausting. i didn't expect being a manager per se is so hard. handling people, hard-headed people at that, is so exhausting that i have thought of quitting a lot of times. fixing broken computers is way much better. bugged programs and short circuits are even much much better. but people?!? just plain taxing. they're so good at complaining, so good at counting the hours they work (even if all they've been doing is actually just talking over the phone or doing anything unrelated to work), so good at whining, but could not even get a job done. everything at work has been really testing my patience that i can't believe i have it in me to endure them. i would have loved to quit. but then again, it's just not me.
see? now i'm the one whining.
i am on the verge of making the same mistake all over again. i hope somebody will get me out of this. i hope i could still get out of this.
----------------------------
"Nobody can heal your of your emotions, only God. And it takes humility and admission to God that we fall short in every ways. Nobody deserves His forgiveness but He gives it freely anyway."
--an advice from my friend GB
bye bye winter
here are some pictures i took last winter.. ui, last ha.. feel na feel ko na ang spring.. hehe.. 
the road uncleaned
the rideau canal early in the morning. one of the few times you'll see it empty of any skater.
best wishes my friend
that's lyn, my high school bestfriend who's getting married this may. beside her is the groom paul who has been her boyfriend since 4th year high school. her first boyfriend and now soon to be husband.
looking back, it's so funny to remember that our barkada was very hesitant on having paul as her boyfriend. grabe! it made a big issue to the point that lyn asked us if we're asking her to choose between paul and us, her friends. naks! as i reminisce those scenes, i can't help but laugh at our immaturity and selfishness. i think we were just so jealous of lyn's newfound happiness. and to think i can't even remember why we were so against of paul. as for me, i wasn't really against of paul. i was just afraid he may hurt lyn knowing him to have just gotten out from a long relationship. malay ko basin naka-like pa siya sa iyang ex and is just making lyn as panakipbutas. hehe. haynaku! hayskul layp. so full of drama.
so next month they're going to tie the knot officially. sus! papel na lang jud ang kulang. after 13 years, finally, kasal na jud. haaay. i'm so happy for her. the last time we talked, i could feel that they're so happy together. and what more, for the first time, i witnessed paul's sweet side.
duz, i'm so happy for you. if ever you need me, i'm just an email or text away. mishu.
below are high school pictures i dug out from my vault. can you point me out?
the magic 8 minus kim
CAT officers photo op?
1st yr class photo
2nd yr class photo
3rd yr class photo
girlfriends
kim
phoebe
haydee
ui! 57 percentage. hagbong jud. ouch! nyehehe..
slowww
A friend just called to inform me that my crush is already taken. He just had a girlfriend recently. And to top it all, she is a Filipina too, and someone I know. Arrrggghhhh! Grrrr! It could have been me. Sayang. Ang hina ko kasi.
Sayang. Compared to his current girlfriend, I'm much more intelligent and prettier. Hahaha. Okay okay. Actually she's pretty. That's just me consoling my torn ego.
I hope di sila magtagal. Hehehe... Bad me.
Shit.
Loving my Life
Just called my Mum and talked to everybody back home. It's my uncle's birthday tomorrow and they're all going to the beach. Ibog ko. Huhuhu. I wish I were there. I miss them all. Makes me more fervent on my plan to go home come October. Cross my fingers and hope to God - I will go home. Puhon.
It's a nice feeling to feel loved. I don't have a lover right now but I feel so blessed and so loved by my friends and family that I don't really care nor mind that I don't have some other half to share it with. True, I get lonely sometimes. I miss the feeling of knowing that someone thinks of you and that someone will be there to take care of you whatever happens at the end of the day. But then again, after years of not having one, you learn to live with it. You learn to get by with just yourself.
Sometimes, it does get into my mind that perhaps God doesn't really have anyone destined for me. I guess He can't find one of His beings who can be capable of getting into me. Nobody worthy of me. Nobody who can be my equal. Nobody who can put up with me. I am very strong-willed to the point of being very stubborn. I don't like anybody asking me questions about when and where I go. Although I don't speak out my opinions, I am a very opinionated person -- I just don't shove it over other people's throats. I hate people who do that. Because as much as I am an opinionated person, I also respect other people's opinions. Whether their opinions are right or wrong, I don't really care - especially if they're wrong. I don't have the patience to explain. They can believe whatever they want to believe for all I care as long as I know that what I believe is right - well, most of the times. Saying that, do you think some guy can put up with me? Based on my state right now, single at 29, I guess the answer is clear. Nada. Crystal.
Then again, nowadays, I can say that I don't really need a man. For what? Now that may be very cocky of me but that's just how I feel right now. I don't need a man. Period.
I love my life just the way it is.
--------------------------------
I always cry whenever I read something about the Pope. Is it just me or am I really that pathetic?
not you
the touch
the stares
the adventures
i miss them all
but i don't miss you
the hugs
the burger meals
the kiss on the forehead
i miss them all
but i don't miss you
the calls
the banters
the songs
i miss them all
but i don't miss you
the poems
the babytalks
the brains
i miss them all
but i don't miss you
i miss them all
but not you
no, not you
i haven't been in blogging mode lately. it's not that i don't have anything to write about. it's just that i don't have the urge nor the desire to share whatever i'm experiencing or thinking recently. plus i can't find my creative juices to write with sense. i don't know but i guess i really need pain to be able to write something good as i tend to be passionate when i'm hurting. but if it takes pain or sorrow to make me want to write, i'd rather be the senseless blogger anytime.
i browsed through this site and inggit na inggit ako sa galing niya. fell in love with his photos easily.
i have then decided to enrol in a photography class this summer or fall. pramis!
just checked my friendster awhile ago and saw these yellow and green crooked arrows in a circle - yellow for girls and greens for guys. hmmm.. checked one friend and has this as our joint horoscope:
good day
You and *toot* are flying high today!
There's nothing wishy-washy about the two of you now, and your combined energy isn't for the faint of heart...
but i have a faint heart!!!
waaaaa...
--------------------------------
nanaginip ng gising
nakatulala sa hangin
nagsusumidhing damdamin
nababaliw ako sayo
His Holiness John Paul II
Pope John Paul II
1920 - 2005
• Birth Name: Karol Józef Wojtyła
• Date of Birth: May 18, 1920
• Place of Birth: Wadowice, Poland
• The second of two sons born to Karol Wojtyła and Emilia Kaczorowska.
• Ordained to priesthood on November 1, 1946.
• Became a cardinal on June 26, 1967.
• Elected to the papacy on October 16, 1978.
• First Slavic and non-Italian pope in 455 years.
• The youngest pope at 58 in 132 years.
• The most traveled pope in history going to 170 visits to over 115 countries over the past 20 years.
• Multi-lingual, speaking 8 languages.
• In 1983, Marvel Comics published a Pope biography. He may be the only pope whose life was portrayed in a comic book.
• Before his ordination as a priest, he was a member of an experimental theater group, a stonecutter, a published poet, and a chemical company boiler-tender.
• May be the most atheletic pope who played soccer as a goal-keeper, took daring swims in the flooded Skawa River, and enjoyed skiing, hiking, mountain climbing and kayaking in his youth.
"This world is not capable of making man happy. Prayer and faith can."
- Pope John Paul II
Of Life and Death
With all the hoopla given to the "life" and death of Terri Schiavo, I can't help but give my opinion. This topic hits near my heart having lost my baby in quite a similar way.
I just watched the news and saw actress Patricia Heaton(Everybody Loves Raymond) teary-eyed saying "I would never kill my child. I would never starve my child." I believe her. I too would say that. I will never ever kill my child. But then again, you're saying that right now while your children are still healthy. You can never put yourself in somebody else's position unless you're in the same position because the emotions will never be the same. You could never be as realistically empathethic to anybody's feelings. You can only imagine. That said, you can never judge other people's decisions who are in that kind of situation. You can never assume that you would be able to take it the way you ideally want it to. You only know when you're in it. You can only hope it won't happen to you.
This issue brings back the memory of Ashley. And the more I think about it now, the more I knew I made the right decision. Sometimes, you just have to do what you've got to do. Sometimes, you just have to accept things as they are without questions. Sometimes, you just have to let go.
So when can we say that a person is dying? When can we say a person is dead? The problem with today is that there has been too much advancement in science that you don't know anymore the real state of death. When does death really happen? When your heart stops beating? When your brain stops functioning? If I were Terri, from the time I was declared a veggie, I would have asked someone to kill me. The last thing I want is somebody worrying about me and wasting time taking care of me when I'm already dead as far as knowing I don't even know if I'm still alive or what.
Uy!
Naalala kita kanina.
Narinig ko kasi yung song.
Ayun na-miss tuloy kita bigla.
Kamusta ka na kaya.
Sana naaalala mo rin ako.
Sana namimiss mo rin ako.
Kahit minsan man lang.
The Purpose Driven Life
After a friend has been bugging me of buying the book, a few weeks later, I see the book paraded on television. Yes, I had been reading the book before it became popular. I just want that known, hehe.
My friend Gerson literally forced me to buy the book since he saw this post. As you can see, it was an entry of a very confused person finding her way and purpose in life. And the pastor-to-be that he is, he gave me the amazon link and told me to buy the book right away, ASAP. He can really be very forceful when he wants to, hehe. The good and trusting friend that I am, I bought it right away and have never looked back. It really is a very informative and stimulating book. You're supposed to read the book within 40 days (would have been good to start on the first day of Lent, right?) and read only 1 chapter a day so you can concentrate and meditate on how each lesson can be applied to your daily life but I got stuck on 1 of the chapters (Chapter 3 I guess) and it took me almost a week to move on to the next chapter. Chapter 3 gave me a lot to think of and think over.
My point? That the book is worthy of the celebration it is currently getting. I haven't even read half of it but it really hit me on most marks of my life and is helping me on my confusion. So if you're thinking of buying one, go get one. You wouldn't regret having a copy.
Okay, done with this shameless plug I am not even paid for.
It's holy week and I will be on my friend's house to celebrate(??) the occasion. I'm excited to have all these foods (without meat of course) cooked the way it is back home - binignit, nilat-ang saging and camote, inun-unan - to name just a few. Yummmmmy! As I have been always deprived of these here in Canada, I can't wait for Good Friday to come, hehe.
Have a meaningful holy week everyone! Let's all pray and celebrate God's goodness. Happy Easter!
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The more you know who you are, the less you think of what you want.
- Bob Harris, Lost in Translation
choose and work it out!
No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
The Look
I just finished watching Ladder 49. The story is good. Heroic. Touching. A testament of love and commitment to people, most especially to someone's job. Pierced through my heart. Cried buckets of tears.
But what really touched me was one scene. That scene that showed the look - the look of a man to his girl that illuminates his radiant love.
I miss that look.
I hope I'd see that look right at me again.
--------------------------------
minsan parang wala kang kakampi. parang lahat kaaway mo. pero mainit talaga ang kape, kasi masarap ang lugaw. ganun pa man masakit pa ring kumagat ang aso. haaay. sana di umulan para di bumaha. --forwarded
Mastermind
Summary of Masterminds
- Visionaries who put energy into achieving their goals
- Prefer to work independently and dislike inefficiency
- Think of themselves as logical, thorough, and bright
- Values practicality and common sense above ideas and theories
More about Masterminds
Masterminds create a vision for the future by gathering and organising information. They then develop strategies to achieve their goals. They have a rare gift for looking at almost anything and seeing how it can be improved. These skills and the Masterminds' high standards often allow them to reach leadership positions at work.Masterminds value independence and prefer to work on their own. Once they have decided on a course of action, Masterminds rarely change their minds, although they can be persuaded by clear reasoning by someone they respect.
In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Masterminds may cut themselves off from a group and criticize people who don't understand their plans. Under extreme stress, Masterminds may overindulge in sensory experiences like eating, shopping or watching television.
Masterminds often have an unusual sense of humour, which arises from their ability to spot surprising links between seemingly unconnected facts.
Mastermind Careers
Masterminds are drawn to jobs requiring logical analysis or abstract thinking common in science or technical fields.--------------------------
Test taken here.
The Leo in Me
| You are 80% Leo |
 |
 Leo - Your Love ProfileYour positive traits:You're almost always the center of attention - and easy for potential dates to spot • Your happiness and optimism is appealing to all... and contagious! • You don't hold grudges - getting over little fights is no problem for you Your negative traits: You tend to ignore relationship problems, until they are too big to handle • You crave luxury, and you are disappointed with partners who can't provide you with it • If someone does you wrong, you'll coldly and cruely break their heart Your ideal partner: Someone high status enough to bring you more attention - but not so great that they upstage you • Makes you laugh and brings excitement to everything you do together • Is aggressive and confident enough to butt heads with you every so often Your dating style: High expectations. You need to be impressed with an incredible first date for a second one to occur. Your seduction style: You like to make the first move - you're fearless about initiating things • Passionate. You really get into any intimate act. • Aggressive. Most of the time, you find yourself wanting sex more than your partner. Tips for the future: Try to not need so much attention. You'll feel less ignored, guaranteed. • Learn to love your parnter for who they are - not how they help advance your life. • Let your partner shine occasionally. You don't always have to be the alpha dog. Best color to attract mate: Gold Best day for a date: Sunday |
You Are Bold And Brave |
 But daring? Not usually? You tend to like to make calculated risks. So while you may not be base jumping any time soon... You are up for whatever's new and (a little) exciting! |
-----------------------------
All quizzes at Blogthings.
Beyond Borders
I watched Beyond Borders again (Angelina Jolie, Clive Owen) and I cried watching through the movie again. From the moment Angelina picks up this tiny African baby till she burst from the landmines, small drop of tears just can't stop falling. Definitely, the movie will pierce through your heart, as it did mine's.
Realization: Be thankful of everything you've got, even if you think you've got nothing.
The fact that you're reading this means that you have enough to get by and live in this world comfortably. Some peole out there (i.e. Africa) don't have any food to eat, or any house to live in. They live day by day wondering if they'll ever get to live the next day, much less eat. Everyday is a battle. Everyday is the last day.
Be thankful of the life you've got. I myself am guilty of feeling bored of my life sometimes. A lot of people out there are fighting hard to live and look for food and we have no right to feel bored just because we don't have enough to do to make ourselves entertained. There's a lot to do. If you're having a hard time entertaining yourself, go out and help. Volunteer. There's a lot of people who need your help, not necessarily your money. Your time and presence could be enough. Then you're not bored and you might have helped one person somehow. Sometimes you have to think that life is not all about yourself only. Coz if it is, then that's when your life becomes boring.
Ultimately, my question comes in again: What are we here for?
In my case, I'll find it out. Life is just a matter of choices anyway - choices that very much affect how your life shapes up. To make the choice is never even difficult. It's only a matter of right or wrong. Oftentimes in the past, I always chose to be wrong. I wanted to be different and wrong is always different. A friend said to me that "immorality has become the fad these days." It has I guess. I have always hated to be in a fad as it gets in conflict with my desire to be different. But I guess I didn't notice that I was in the fad to be different.
Crazy as I am, I believe life is a fragile gift. If we make mistakes, we can never undo them. We can only learn and hope that the next time we are in the same predicament, we make the right choice and decision. Then the mistake wasn't wasted. Then we move on and make our life better.
Read somewhere: Find out what makes you happy & follow what your heart tells you. They may call you foolish, but at least you are a happy fool, not a lonely, empty wise person.
---------------------------
Is there something as "tri-life crisis?"
chat idiocy
i am a statistic.
yes, i am guilty. yes, i was once one of those people constantly staring on the monitor chatting till the next morning without any sleep whatsoever to somebody in the other side of the world whom i thought as someone i loved. yikes! whenever i remember those days, i laugh at myself. i don't know what got into me but at those times, i felt enamoured with his words on the screen and with everything about him that's just so full of mystery. i literally dropped everything in my life just to be with him. that was then. that was when i was such a naive woman.
yes, i would have loved to shoot myself-of-then now.
after that experience, i vowed never to get involved with someone over the net. friends, yes. but to even try to think of some romantic thing, that i would never do again. it wasn't only a waste of my time, it was a waste of my life. again, i mean that literally. i wouldn't go over the details as it's a chapter i would like to keep to myself. no i would never forget it. how could i? 3 years ago, i fell in love with someone on the net, or so i thought, and it cost me my life. yes, my life, my future. it was a big mistake.
i'd like to think i have been forgiven for that mistake. i have repented and i am also slowly forgiving myself. the good breaks that i am getting these days are surely indications that God has forgiven me. i just have my own self to get over to. in time. slowly. surely.
right now, i have heard of 3 people succumbing to this chat idiocy. they met this person on chat, thinks he/she loves this person, and throws their life into that person's hands. i mean for gawd's sake, you haven't even seen the guy/gal and you're thinking of marrying him/her? (at least i got to meet my guy, and thus made my idiocy more real!! duh?!?!!)
what more? times have also changed. some people has made chat into a cheap sex shop. they chat and meet and have sex. simple as that. they go into this enigmatic motive of friendship and yet in the back of their minds, if and whenever they will meet, something will happen. just a matter of when. it's like a given. let's meet. let's fuck.
i have a liberal mind. but growing up with values (there are still some left, hehe), growing up in a catholic school, it is hard not to feel guilty and feel small whenever i see people that are too too much liberated. i am just not that.
but who can blame them? everything is relative to your own morality. i can't judge them. like i said, i have an open mind. if they're happy with what they're doing, as long as they come to be responsible of whatever consequenses of their actions are, i raise my hands.
way to go man/girl!
-----------------------------
the author still chats occasionally. she goes by bardot on mirc and biatchychic on yahoo chat. she hates and doesn't respond to the question asl?
What am I here for?
Have you ever asked that question to yourself? If you did, then I guess you're in the same boat as I am right now - senseless and clueless as to where my life is going. I am not bored, that I can say. Christ! There's a lot going on and a lot I could do to make my life eventful, but for what? What am I here for? For what purpose is my existence? If I would be wiped out from this life right at this moment, nothing would change. I wouldn't really matter. My non-existence wouldn't matter. So why am I here for?
Ever since I knew I was sick, I have been having these moments when I question my existence. Didn't know that shoving your death to your face is quite scary. We all know we'll die but knowing when is really scary. I don't really know exactly when but when you have statistics to compare it to, it's like knowing when the time really is but not exactly as it is. Oh well, I've passed the scary emotions of death. It doesn't even scare me as much as before anymore. In fact, I sometimes want it. And that scares me more now.
But then why would I want to die? What is in store for me when I die? You know what scares me most? Not knowing what's next. That's why I'm scared of death - because I don't really know what's in there. Is it heaven? And what exactly is heaven? Clouds with people in pretty dresses singing and laughing at what? Is it hell then? A place full of hot lava and fire? That I sure don't want to be in. Or is it purgatory? A place full of lost people who don't know where they're going next. Or are we going back to this same place we call earth as a snake?
Just discovered: Whatever is next when I die, I'm not ready for it yet.
I want more of this life - whatever is in it for me. Whether I'm needed or not. Pains and all. But I do still want to know my purpose. That I intend to find out.
I wish I were still 13. The biggest problem I could have is whether I would get in the honor roll or not.
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I am currently twisting my time reading between The Bourne Ultimatum, The Purpose Driven Life, and A Complicated Kindness while listening to both cd's of Alicia Keys over and over again.
I know. I'm crazy. =)
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You can't take anything for granted. You just have to live by the moment.
- Nancy, my aerobics instructor
toboganning
newsflash: my bestfriend Gail is having a baby girl! yeyyy! congrats gail and bernard! =D
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and here are some pics of our toboganning weekend...
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just read this news.. BIG reaction from me here... SO?!?! so what if she is? the competition is "American Idol." hello? granted that she indeed has the blood, just because she has doesn't make her a filipino. nationality comes from the heart and not from blood. puh-leez! let's not be pathetic.
