b a r d o t files

i need to set my priorities.

for the past months now, i have been anxious to get a place of my own - live alone, buy my own furniture, decorate my own home, cook my own food without thinking if some people would find it edible, or walk nekkid around the house. err, okay.. naked is out. but i really want my own privacy. after 2 years of living with people, i so want to live by myself that i am willing to splurge my well-earned money for this kind of luxury -- yes, a luxury. i consider living alone in this foreign land a luxury. for why would you spend $800 for an apartment rent when you can rent a bedroom for just $400? but then privacy is expensive. and if you want it, you have to pay its price. i want it and i think i am ready and willing to pay the price now.

i think.

if i am really going to do it right and be a smartass, i should buy my own home rather than just rent. if i buy one, i may be paying more than the usual rent but i am paying for my own place. definitely a BIG investment. so now i'm contemplating of buying my own place. right now, i am eyeing a one bedroom condo with a very nice tub. hehe.. yeah, i am a sucker for beautiful bathrooms.

80% sure of buying the condo.
20% leaning on saving it for a big vacation back home.

decisions decisions.

work has been exhausting. i didn't expect being a manager per se is so hard. handling people, hard-headed people at that, is so exhausting that i have thought of quitting a lot of times. fixing broken computers is way much better. bugged programs and short circuits are even much much better. but people?!? just plain taxing. they're so good at complaining, so good at counting the hours they work (even if all they've been doing is actually just talking over the phone or doing anything unrelated to work), so good at whining, but could not even get a job done. everything at work has been really testing my patience that i can't believe i have it in me to endure them. i would have loved to quit. but then again, it's just not me.

see? now i'm the one whining.


i am on the verge of making the same mistake all over again. i hope somebody will get me out of this. i hope i could still get out of this.


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"Nobody can heal your of your emotions, only God. And it takes humility and admission to God that we fall short in every ways. Nobody deserves His forgiveness but He gives it freely anyway."
--an advice from my friend GB