Lovers for a Lifetime

The piece below is a letter I made 2 years ago for my boyfriend at that time. He never got to read this as I never got to send it. It's very personal but I thought I'd just post it. I just hope I won't meet any of you personally as I would die of embarrassment.

Much has been said by my side to hurt you and your family. Before, I just pray hard that you would have enough love for me, and tons of patience for you to tolerate them. I didn't know how it feels then. I know how painful words can be, but I didn't know just how much.

But of course now I know. Just a little negative word from your family letting me know that they don't like me hurts. Even just the idea hurts. So I know how you feel. I understand.

I am hurt and disappointed by what they have said or done to hurt you. But I am even more hurt and disappointed by how you are handling the issue. By not sharing the problem with me, I feel that you don't really look at me as your partner. You love me, I know that. I love you, you know that. But loving is not enough anymore. With all the people wanting a part of us always - patience, the strength to fight, trust, and most especially faith in our love is very much needed for us to last longer.

Ever since I can remember, from the start of our relationship, we have been fighting situations and other people in order for us to stay together. It would have been better if we were fighting each other cause they always get happy and funny endings. But fighting others who want us apart have its advantage. It has kept us strong, and stronger still for the next fight. It has given us the fire to keep our love burning from just a match to a bonfire. Yes, they have been strengthed our ties, yet they have also drained us. Or is it just me?

For a long time now, you have been the most influential person in my life. You might not know that but I have become what I am, I am where I am, not because of my ambition, not because of someone's prodding, but because of you. Knowing that I can't live with you in the proximity of my family, I came here, hoping that we could one day live here together. Yes the money is good. But you of all people know that I am not a money person. Enough to fill my stomach is alright. And a few wants. And perhaps a few luxuries. :) Really, I don't believe we'll famish if we only work - any kind of work.

Long distance. Nine years. People are always amazed by that. I am too. But we both know the sacrifices and the compromises we made to last this long. Not once have we made to celebrate our anniversary together. I was with you on my birthday one year, but not on the next year.

Soulmates. No we're not soulmates. Those words are for persons who are cowards to love each other and risk losing each other lest their love fade. We're not afraid of that. Why would we when we know ours won't fade? Sometimes, I marvel at our commitment. We've had so many arguments and yet not once have we looked at a break-up as an option. Yes I have initiated a break-up once, but not because we had an argument, nor because I don't love you. You just hurt me so much at what you told me that you did. But we didn't get to break, did we? Like I said, breaking-up is not an option. We were not two persons in two bodies, we were two persons in one.

We have grown so much from this relationhip that I don't know how to live by myself anymore. I live because you live. I live because I am waiting for the time that we would be together again, and forever at that. I live because I want to be in the time when I wake up and see your face first every morning, every day. I live because I love you.

I don't want to lose you. Yet I don't want you hurt anymore. I don't want those who want us apart to win this fight. Yet I don't want to win this with you battered emotionally. I still want to fight, but not forever - and not with you growing to hate my family. I'm afraid you might hate me with them.

I'm sorry for all that they've said or done to hurt you and your family. I am ashamed of what they have done. It's a pity that we can't get to choose our relatives. I would have chosen yours. But then again, we would siblings, and I don't want you as one.

I could set you free. Then you'd be free of me, and I of you. Then my family won't have any reason of speaking ill of you and your family. Would they really? I don't think so.

Even if we have finally broken up, they still would continue to talk. I know that. They're my family, right? So I know them. So even if we're not together anymore, they would still talk. They would still hurt you. I know you would cause I know that you will always love me, just as I will always love you. Then breaking up with you, or setting you free would be useless.

So breaking-up is not an option.

I guess you just have to bear with my relatives then. But please bear them with me. Then we could have the luxury of damning them together.