Foolish Pride

I am not the jealous type. Never have been. Until now. Perhaps this goes with age. Or maybe because I haven't really been my old confident self lately.

I went into my boyfriend's emailbox this morning. I know this is bad but I really have my boyfriend's permission to do this. He's got lots of spam that I need to delete. Anyway, I went in and discovered an email from a girl that has been opened. I opened it (of course!) and there was a picture of the girl. She's not pretty (I am telling the truth!) but I am pissed.

First, why is the email still there? If he had the time to open and read it, he should have the time to delete it so I wouldn't be able to read it. My! Talk about being discreet!! He knows I open his email so he knows I would get to read it. So maybe he wants me to read it. For what?!? So I would feel what I'm feeling now?? Whining and feeling jealous?? 'tang ina. I hate this. If he's in front of me I would torture him for doing this. Hmmm. Sweet torture. :)

If only we are not on cold war right now, I would call and confront him on this. But we're not on speaking terms. Well that's just actually according to me. I could call him but I want him to call me. My foolish pride.

So I would go out tonight and have a drink. I need to get drunk and forget about this for awhile.

BTW, today is my ex-boyfriend's birthday. I greeted him a happy birthday for old time's sake. I always feel sad when I think of him. Sad that I couldn't give back the same feelings he has for me. Sad that I hurt him. I really hope he would find the right one for him one day.