presented with a situation, i always find myself dissecting and analyzing whatever pieces of information i have on hand. if these information are interesting enough, i go and look for more. and if i really like it, i make the situation more interesting just to prolong the feeling that i'm feeling at that moment, whether it would make me feel great or bad. thinking is like a drug. it gives me some exhilaration. until i regress. sometimes, i think this craft is what's making my life too confusing. whatever i think at the moment affects my mood which most often than not makes me brood. like traffic lights: i either go green and brood; yellow and breath in, breath out; or stop and laugh at myself. if i find myself a complex character to understand, how much more can another person make a coherence analysis of me?
so i understand when people can't understand me. i myself can't.
it's february so let me be mushy.
CAUTION: TOO MUSHY IT MAY CAUSE YOU NAUSEA. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!
i'm not in love
but i'd like to think
that i'm in love
even if i'm not
why? you may ask.
perhaps because
i miss the headaches
and the heartaches
that comes with love
but more than those
i miss the loving
i miss the missing
i miss the cuddling
i miss the kissing
i miss the bleeping
the i love you's
the i miss you's
the muaahs
the aaahhhs
the holding hands
the stares
the looks
the sweet silence
i hope someday
i still get the chance
to have someone
who has as much
passion as i have
to love again
as passionately
as i ever can
breakups suck! moreso if you're left pining for him still. more more so if you're pining and you actually hope and believe that there's still something left for you to get back at him. more more more so if you actually get back at him. by then, you're not only acting stupid. you are really being stupid!
how many times have i been stupid, you ask? lemme count... 4 times! wow! a quarter times ehstuhphida! nyehehe! and to top it all, it has been the same guy over and over and over again. sheesh! i don't know if anybody could beat that! then again, i guess only he can beat me at that! i guess you know by now that i'm referring to the flame, my loser ex-boyfriend. loser is he who dumps me. wahahaha!! i'm being the assuming biatch that i am. hehe.. oh btw, he didn't dump me. i dumped him! but he did got a girl pregnant before i could dump him... tsk tsk.. naisahan ko dah! mah pride was hurt. hated him for awhile. wished him the worst worst worst wish one could ever dream of.
that was way long ago. now i can't even fault him for what happened. i know. i'm kind eh?! or maybe i'm just that open-minded. because i think too much, a time always comes when even the worst that happened to me becomes the best i can ever be grateful for. i'm not really sure if that is good for me. it's good because it allows me to move on with my life and forget the angst i feel for awhile. it's good because even after all the heartaches, i can still go back to my old sane-but-crazy self.
now why am i talking about breakups? la lang.. it just came up on my mind. i was thinking if i learned something from those sorry bastards. i think a lot. in fact, i think too too much.
-- originally written october 28, 2004 --
Recent Watches:
- Raising Helen
- The Audrey Hepburn Story
- Alien Versus Predator
-------------------------
I guess you're one of those people who gets in a person's life fast like a lightning and goes out faster before I can even get the chance to touch or hold your hand.
0 comments:
Post a Comment