Of Life and Death

With all the hoopla given to the "life" and death of Terri Schiavo, I can't help but give my opinion. This topic hits near my heart having lost my baby in quite a similar way.

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I just watched the news and saw actress Patricia Heaton(Everybody Loves Raymond) teary-eyed saying "I would never kill my child. I would never starve my child." I believe her. I too would say that. I will never ever kill my child. But then again, you're saying that right now while your children are still healthy. You can never put yourself in somebody else's position unless you're in the same position because the emotions will never be the same. You could never be as realistically empathethic to anybody's feelings. You can only imagine. That said, you can never judge other people's decisions who are in that kind of situation. You can never assume that you would be able to take it the way you ideally want it to. You only know when you're in it. You can only hope it won't happen to you.

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This issue brings back the memory of Ashley. And the more I think about it now, the more I knew I made the right decision. Sometimes, you just have to do what you've got to do. Sometimes, you just have to accept things as they are without questions. Sometimes, you just have to let go.

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So when can we say that a person is dying? When can we say a person is dead? The problem with today is that there has been too much advancement in science that you don't know anymore the real state of death. When does death really happen? When your heart stops beating? When your brain stops functioning? If I were Terri, from the time I was declared a veggie, I would have asked someone to kill me. The last thing I want is somebody worrying about me and wasting time taking care of me when I'm already dead as far as knowing I don't even know if I'm still alive or what.

yummm... tortas...

Uy!

Naalala kita kanina.
Narinig ko kasi yung song.
Ayun na-miss tuloy kita bigla.

Kamusta ka na kaya.
Sana naaalala mo rin ako.
Sana namimiss mo rin ako.

Kahit minsan man lang.

The Purpose Driven Life

After a friend has been bugging me of buying the book, a few weeks later, I see the book paraded on television. Yes, I had been reading the book before it became popular. I just want that known, hehe.

My friend Gerson literally forced me to buy the book since he saw this post. As you can see, it was an entry of a very confused person finding her way and purpose in life. And the pastor-to-be that he is, he gave me the amazon link and told me to buy the book right away, ASAP. He can really be very forceful when he wants to, hehe. The good and trusting friend that I am, I bought it right away and have never looked back. It really is a very informative and stimulating book. You're supposed to read the book within 40 days (would have been good to start on the first day of Lent, right?) and read only 1 chapter a day so you can concentrate and meditate on how each lesson can be applied to your daily life but I got stuck on 1 of the chapters (Chapter 3 I guess) and it took me almost a week to move on to the next chapter. Chapter 3 gave me a lot to think of and think over.

My point? That the book is worthy of the celebration it is currently getting. I haven't even read half of it but it really hit me on most marks of my life and is helping me on my confusion. So if you're thinking of buying one, go get one. You wouldn't regret having a copy.

Okay, done with this shameless plug I am not even paid for.

It's holy week and I will be on my friend's house to celebrate(??) the occasion. I'm excited to have all these foods (without meat of course) cooked the way it is back home - binignit, nilat-ang saging and camote, inun-unan - to name just a few. Yummmmmy! As I have been always deprived of these here in Canada, I can't wait for Good Friday to come, hehe.

Have a meaningful holy week everyone! Let's all pray and celebrate God's goodness. Happy Easter!

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The more you know who you are, the less you think of what you want.
- Bob Harris, Lost in Translation

choose and work it out!

No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.

The Look

I just finished watching Ladder 49. The story is good. Heroic. Touching. A testament of love and commitment to people, most especially to someone's job. Pierced through my heart. Cried buckets of tears.

But what really touched me was one scene. That scene that showed the look - the look of a man to his girl that illuminates his radiant love.

I miss that look.

I hope I'd see that look right at me again.

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minsan parang wala kang kakampi. parang lahat kaaway mo. pero mainit talaga ang kape, kasi masarap ang lugaw. ganun pa man masakit pa ring kumagat ang aso. haaay. sana di umulan para di bumaha. --forwarded

Mastermind

Summary of Masterminds

• Visionaries who put energy into achieving their goals
• Prefer to work independently and dislike inefficiency
• Think of themselves as logical, thorough, and bright
• Values practicality and common sense above ideas and theories

More about Masterminds

Masterminds create a vision for the future by gathering and organising information. They then develop strategies to achieve their goals. They have a rare gift for looking at almost anything and seeing how it can be improved. These skills and the Masterminds' high standards often allow them to reach leadership positions at work.

Masterminds value independence and prefer to work on their own. Once they have decided on a course of action, Masterminds rarely change their minds, although they can be persuaded by clear reasoning by someone they respect.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Masterminds may cut themselves off from a group and criticize people who don't understand their plans. Under extreme stress, Masterminds may overindulge in sensory experiences like eating, shopping or watching television.

Masterminds often have an unusual sense of humour, which arises from their ability to spot surprising links between seemingly unconnected facts.

Mastermind Careers

Masterminds are drawn to jobs requiring logical analysis or abstract thinking common in science or technical fields.

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Test taken here.

The Leo in Me

You are 80% Leo

Leo - Your Love Profile Your positive traits: You're almost always the center of attention - and easy for potential dates to spot • Your happiness and optimism is appealing to all... and contagious! • You don't hold grudges - getting over little fights is no problem for you Your negative traits: You tend to ignore relationship problems, until they are too big to handle • You crave luxury, and you are disappointed with partners who can't provide you with it • If someone does you wrong, you'll coldly and cruely break their heart Your ideal partner: Someone high status enough to bring you more attention - but not so great that they upstage you • Makes you laugh and brings excitement to everything you do together • Is aggressive and confident enough to butt heads with you every so often Your dating style: High expectations. You need to be impressed with an incredible first date for a second one to occur. Your seduction style: You like to make the first move - you're fearless about initiating things • Passionate. You really get into any intimate act. • Aggressive. Most of the time, you find yourself wanting sex more than your partner. Tips for the future: Try to not need so much attention. You'll feel less ignored, guaranteed. • Learn to love your parnter for who they are - not how they help advance your life. • Let your partner shine occasionally. You don't always have to be the alpha dog. Best color to attract mate: Gold Best day for a date: Sunday

You Are Bold And Brave

But daring? Not usually? You tend to like to make calculated risks. So while you may not be base jumping any time soon... You are up for whatever's new and (a little) exciting!

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All quizzes at Blogthings.

Beyond Borders

I watched Beyond Borders again (Angelina Jolie, Clive Owen) and I cried watching through the movie again. From the moment Angelina picks up this tiny African baby till she burst from the landmines, small drop of tears just can't stop falling. Definitely, the movie will pierce through your heart, as it did mine's.

Realization: Be thankful of everything you've got, even if you think you've got nothing.

The fact that you're reading this means that you have enough to get by and live in this world comfortably. Some peole out there (i.e. Africa) don't have any food to eat, or any house to live in. They live day by day wondering if they'll ever get to live the next day, much less eat. Everyday is a battle. Everyday is the last day.

Be thankful of the life you've got. I myself am guilty of feeling bored of my life sometimes. A lot of people out there are fighting hard to live and look for food and we have no right to feel bored just because we don't have enough to do to make ourselves entertained. There's a lot to do. If you're having a hard time entertaining yourself, go out and help. Volunteer. There's a lot of people who need your help, not necessarily your money. Your time and presence could be enough. Then you're not bored and you might have helped one person somehow. Sometimes you have to think that life is not all about yourself only. Coz if it is, then that's when your life becomes boring.

Ultimately, my question comes in again: What are we here for?

In my case, I'll find it out. Life is just a matter of choices anyway - choices that very much affect how your life shapes up. To make the choice is never even difficult. It's only a matter of right or wrong. Oftentimes in the past, I always chose to be wrong. I wanted to be different and wrong is always different. A friend said to me that "immorality has become the fad these days." It has I guess. I have always hated to be in a fad as it gets in conflict with my desire to be different. But I guess I didn't notice that I was in the fad to be different.

Crazy as I am, I believe life is a fragile gift. If we make mistakes, we can never undo them. We can only learn and hope that the next time we are in the same predicament, we make the right choice and decision. Then the mistake wasn't wasted. Then we move on and make our life better.

Read somewhere: Find out what makes you happy & follow what your heart tells you. They may call you foolish, but at least you are a happy fool, not a lonely, empty wise person.

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Is there something as "tri-life crisis?"

chat idiocy

i am a statistic.

yes, i am guilty. yes, i was once one of those people constantly staring on the monitor chatting till the next morning without any sleep whatsoever to somebody in the other side of the world whom i thought as someone i loved. yikes! whenever i remember those days, i laugh at myself. i don't know what got into me but at those times, i felt enamoured with his words on the screen and with everything about him that's just so full of mystery. i literally dropped everything in my life just to be with him. that was then. that was when i was such a naive woman.

yes, i would have loved to shoot myself-of-then now.

after that experience, i vowed never to get involved with someone over the net. friends, yes. but to even try to think of some romantic thing, that i would never do again. it wasn't only a waste of my time, it was a waste of my life. again, i mean that literally. i wouldn't go over the details as it's a chapter i would like to keep to myself. no i would never forget it. how could i? 3 years ago, i fell in love with someone on the net, or so i thought, and it cost me my life. yes, my life, my future. it was a big mistake.

i'd like to think i have been forgiven for that mistake. i have repented and i am also slowly forgiving myself. the good breaks that i am getting these days are surely indications that God has forgiven me. i just have my own self to get over to. in time. slowly. surely.

right now, i have heard of 3 people succumbing to this chat idiocy. they met this person on chat, thinks he/she loves this person, and throws their life into that person's hands. i mean for gawd's sake, you haven't even seen the guy/gal and you're thinking of marrying him/her? (at least i got to meet my guy, and thus made my idiocy more real!! duh?!?!!)

what more? times have also changed. some people has made chat into a cheap sex shop. they chat and meet and have sex. simple as that. they go into this enigmatic motive of friendship and yet in the back of their minds, if and whenever they will meet, something will happen. just a matter of when. it's like a given. let's meet. let's fuck.

i have a liberal mind. but growing up with values (there are still some left, hehe), growing up in a catholic school, it is hard not to feel guilty and feel small whenever i see people that are too too much liberated. i am just not that.

but who can blame them? everything is relative to your own morality. i can't judge them. like i said, i have an open mind. if they're happy with what they're doing, as long as they come to be responsible of whatever consequenses of their actions are, i raise my hands.

way to go man/girl!

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the author still chats occasionally. she goes by bardot on mirc and biatchychic on yahoo chat. she hates and doesn't respond to the question asl?

What am I here for?

Have you ever asked that question to yourself? If you did, then I guess you're in the same boat as I am right now - senseless and clueless as to where my life is going. I am not bored, that I can say. Christ! There's a lot going on and a lot I could do to make my life eventful, but for what? What am I here for? For what purpose is my existence? If I would be wiped out from this life right at this moment, nothing would change. I wouldn't really matter. My non-existence wouldn't matter. So why am I here for?

Ever since I knew I was sick, I have been having these moments when I question my existence. Didn't know that shoving your death to your face is quite scary. We all know we'll die but knowing when is really scary. I don't really know exactly when but when you have statistics to compare it to, it's like knowing when the time really is but not exactly as it is. Oh well, I've passed the scary emotions of death. It doesn't even scare me as much as before anymore. In fact, I sometimes want it. And that scares me more now.

But then why would I want to die? What is in store for me when I die? You know what scares me most? Not knowing what's next. That's why I'm scared of death - because I don't really know what's in there. Is it heaven? And what exactly is heaven? Clouds with people in pretty dresses singing and laughing at what? Is it hell then? A place full of hot lava and fire? That I sure don't want to be in. Or is it purgatory? A place full of lost people who don't know where they're going next. Or are we going back to this same place we call earth as a snake?

Just discovered: Whatever is next when I die, I'm not ready for it yet.

I want more of this life - whatever is in it for me. Whether I'm needed or not. Pains and all. But I do still want to know my purpose. That I intend to find out.

I wish I were still 13. The biggest problem I could have is whether I would get in the honor roll or not.

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I am currently twisting my time reading between The Bourne Ultimatum, The Purpose Driven Life, and A Complicated Kindness while listening to both cd's of Alicia Keys over and over again.

I know. I'm crazy. =)

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You can't take anything for granted. You just have to live by the moment.
- Nancy, my aerobics instructor

toboganning

newsflash: my bestfriend Gail is having a baby girl! yeyyy! congrats gail and bernard! =D

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and here are some pics of our toboganning weekend...




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just read this news.. BIG reaction from me here... SO?!?! so what if she is? the competition is "American Idol." hello? granted that she indeed has the blood, just because she has doesn't make her a filipino. nationality comes from the heart and not from blood. puh-leez! let's not be pathetic.

I got this!

and i'm happy now. ^_^

tong its

i spent my last weekend drinking and gambling. and when i'm drunk, you've got the best amee you can get. don't be alarmed. i don't act wierd when i'm drunk. i don't get myself get laid when i'm drunk. in fact, i am the smart-ass-est when i'm drunk. really. and if you happen to be my boyfriend, you not only get a smart brain, a pretty face and a nice ass, but also a good hump. wehehe. joke! as for the gambling, tong its lang naman. small time lang. hehe.

ok, the whole week has been super busy with work. work should be boring but in fact it was anything but that. we were crammed up with deadlines so the environment was full of pressure. i love it! although i would have wanted to slap one of my officemates and throw her out of the window just to shut her up. my gawd! i hate whiners especially if they don't even deserve to whine! one of these days, when i'm fed up with all the nonsense, i will definitely take out my frustrations to the management. with the way things are going on, i bet it's going to be sooner. really, i can't believe how some people get their positions and not know how to do their job and what they're expected to do. grrr!

now that was me whining. hehe.

i had a chat with my friend who's working in singapore last night. news of all news, she told me that someone is asking her if it's true that i already have a baby? ngeee! she told them that the rumor was untrue as she expected me to tell her to deny the truth. ngek! hahaha.. well i told her to tell them the truth. i gave her the authority to tell them the truth. i don't really care what they will think after knowing what happened to me. jeez! i don't give a damn. all the people that mattered knew about it before and they're all still with me, and that's all that matters to me. my! it's been almost 2 years. a very late rumor. tsk tsk. hmm. although i don't care, i'd love to know their reaction. hehe. moi ksp. haha!

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Some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all if I ain’t got you baby.