musings

why is it that when you're trying mighty hard to forget someone, that someone suddenly pesters you. and just when you thought you have gained your balance back, you remember the past - the long sweet talks, the good times. and when you haven't gotten over the past just yet, i bet you'd still probably hate him - like i'm hating him right now. grrrr! just when i thought i'm over him, he goes on telling me i'm very special? pakhim!

this past couple of days has been total hypocrisy from me. i don't know what happened but i suddenly missed him. great eh!?! with nothing much to do, i was lost in my own world again, thinking of him, thinking that perhaps, we still have some chance. and i hate myself for going back to that thought again.

memo to self: IT'S OVER! MOVE ON!!!

i need my shrink!!!

pastor? where are you? if you're reading this, please help. i need your words of wisdom my friend. =)

i didn't get any sleep last night. i so missed him i almost attempted calling him. i'm just glad to know that i didn't gave in to my craving. these are times when i'm thankful to have so much pride. i probably would have killed myself this morning have i called him. hehe.. now there goes my old self!

okay. i now know what to do.

deleted his name in all my contact lists.
deleted his number in my celfon.
deleted his email in my address book.
deleted his yahoo id.

problem is, i know them all by heart.

oh well. at least i'm trying. and i'll be praying hard for His help and guidance. ayokong matuliro ulit. hehehe.

i wish for my peace back.

good luck to me.

***

how pathetic is this? i have been staring at the note he sent me for about an hour now. it has only 55 letters - which includes my name, his name and the word love. jeez! i know i'm pathetic. i'm indulging myself tonight as tomorrow everything is gonna be out of sight. i hope that will help me keep him out of my mind... and heart.

***

wag na wag mong sasabihin
na hindi mo nadama
itong pag-ibig kong
handang ibigay
kahit pa kalayaan mo


---------------------
i thought of not writing these thoughts here but i thought this might also help me ease my pain. and it did. =)

Kailangan Kita

Have you ever felt that feeling that you need someone to complete you? I used to feel that way, back when I was still that naive and trusting girl. Now? I think that's just plain bull shit! Why would you ever need someone to complete you? You are you just by being yourself. You are a complete being as anybody else and you don't need any human being to feel complete. You came into this world already complete so why would you need someone to fill something that's not empty or even there? If you don't feel complete, it's not somebody who can fill it up. It's just you. You make your own life. You make your own destiny. You make who you are.

Am I making sense?

Or do I sound like a man hater?

Jeez! This is how I usually feel after watching a movie where some girl or guy is so dumb not to fight for her/his rights as a person. You know, yung mga api-api. It just annoys me so much. And for Filipino films, you get a lot of that, especially the girl. A probinsiyana girl na api-api. Grrrrr! Too 70's. I'm just glad I wasn't born on that era.



I just watched the film of Aga Mulach and Claudine Baretto titled "Kailagan Kita" and I so cried hard I looked like somebody who lost a parent. Really. Ka-relate ako. Waaaaaa! But the title is lost. I don't know why it's titled that way but that's Filipino movie for you. As long as you say it in one of the dialogues, it becomes the title. Ngyehehe.

The movie made me think about my life too. If my life were a movie, would I also get my happy ending a year later?

I wish.

imac g5 addict

i so want an imac that i am willing to splurge just to stop this feeling of helplessness of not having one.

umm, perhaps.

as of this time, i'm still sane. i hope to stay sane without having the imac. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *crying fit*


i want a g5!!!

1st wk @work

A-Okay. I actually got what I expected. Training was and will be informal and will go through months. Lots of things needed to be changed in the office specifically the way things are managed. I am going to be the kontrabida when the rules are gonna be implemented but I probably won't mind it. Hehe. I won't mind somebody hating me for doing my job.

I have actually learned a lot of non-office thingies in my 1-week stint. One of which is knowing how to do a conference using my celfon. I know that's easy but my friend Cha and I don't know how to do that and we experimented with our celfons while on a break. O di ba? A learning break. Hehe. Also, during lunch break, we take it together with the other women in the office in one room (it's a small company and we don't have a cafeteria)and this is when really interesting topics come out. Like sex. Hehe. And one word I learned? Tea-bagging. Hehehe. If you know it, good for you! I really don't have to explain it here as it's super bastos. Hahaha. But if you're interested to know, e-mail me and I'll gladly explain the details of the word, or act for that matter.

Nothing interesting happening with my life for the week. It was work work work. Boring but peaceful.

Is being at peace equivalent to having a boring life?

***

I miss having someone to miss.
I miss having someone to think of.
I miss having someone to take care of.
I miss having someone to love.


Tangina. Love na naman.

Abuse of Iraqui POWs

This is old news but I just saw the entirety of these pictures and it really made my view of America lower than it already is. Indeed, may God bless America. May God forgive you after all these human violation.

my man

ohhhh! spells s-e-x. ooohzing with "the" appeal. don't you just want to kiss and taste him all over? wish i'm that cigarette he sucks, errr.. sniffs or blows or whatever..

end of vacation

Things I did for the last 10 days:

• Made around 10 template graphics. The last one is this which is the simplest of all.
• Hit the gym back after 3 weeks of missing it. Yes, my body is really sore right now. =(
• Watched the following movies in DVD:
  

  King Arthur
  Troy
  Wicker Park
  Intolerable Cruelty
  Laws of Attraction
  Sabel
  Walang Kapalit
  John Q
  High Crimes
  Croupier
  The Recruit

• Watched Elektra on the first day. (yesterday, 011505)
• Played chikicha.

I know. All pretty nonsense eh?

I just read on Reader's Digest that Michael Jackson is Canadian. Is he really?

I bought a copy of Fitness magazine for the month of February as I saw exercises to sculpt the legs and thighs and moves to tone and tighten abs in just 7 days. Let's see if what the mag says are true. Ummm, let's see if I can even start to do the moves. Hehe.

Here's an article from the magazine that I would like to share.

4 Habits of Successful Women

• Have the courage to fall. Look at failure as fodder for your life's story and it won't be as daunting.
• Embrace your discomfort. Laid off? Betrayed by a friend? Use these moments of uncertainty as opportunities to be creative and energetic.
• Fight with information. Whether you're making a point or trying to win an argument, have all the facts at your disposal. Do research, prepare for any outcome, and don't let emotions cloud your judgment.
• Tune out the naysayers. Don't allow skeptics to kill your dream with their negativity. Know what you want to do and why. Then go do it.

Need I say more?

***
I will be starting my new job tomorrow. I am anxious and nervous for my first day. Wish me luck! ^_^

Pit Senyor!

it's sunday in the philippines right now and i'm missing the sinulog festival - again! to all ya cebuanos out there - Pit Senyor!

yey! a new layout. any comments/suggestions/complaints, let me know. shoot me okay? (that's the tagboard on the right, just in case you didn't get what i meant. *wink*) one already complained that the color sucks! ummm.. you suck lyn! hahaha. i have been having sleepless nights making this friggin' template (graphics and code) and i get no lovin'? *sniff sniff* anyway, i don't know if it's just your monitor or what but the color is actually clear at my end. let's see. if i get more complaints regarding the font colors, i'll take care of them. for now, this will be my layout. a bright one! enough of dark colors right now. =)


got no interesting update on my life right now - love or whatever. well, except that i've been reading the bible again, thanks to gerson. really, it's been more than a year since i touched it. i was forced(?? hehe) to read it one time when gerson was giving me verses on what i should read at the time we talked. bible sharing kumbaga. i was sharing him my life and he was trying to analyse my life. opened old wounds again. which reminded me that i haven't really gotten over my past. i try to just ignore it. but the point is, the fact that you're ignoring something means that something is there. i really have to forgive. yes, the past can't be forgotten. it will always be there and for all the errs that i made or were inflicted to me, they will all be remembered. what matters is if i have forgiven them and myself. that i have to face. ignoring just isn't an option anymore or i will forever be in this deep chasm. really now. i want to smile when i think of anybody, especially if you came to hurt me one time.

"what doesn't challenge you makes you weak. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." and it's true. i am stronger now, ready for more challenges. but i am really tired of being strong. i hope the one up above would make me weak for now, even for just awhile.

listening to...

Because of You
Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you

on reflect

it's 12:27am and after a week of trying, i still haven't finished my darn template! arrgghh! i hope i finish this before my vacation ends. i really want a new look for this blog. hehe..

aside from creating a new template, fixing other peoples computers and watching dvds, i have been regularly chatting with gerson - my college barkada turned pastor (pastor ba gid??) and he has been barraging me with lectures. ngyeh! it seems like God appointed him to help me change, for the good of course! nyehehe.. mind you, his lectures and pieces of advice seem to be working. hmmm.. i now have two shrinks! hehehe.. syaro di pa jud ko maulian sa akong old good self (daw!).

speaking of shrinks, my other shrink got married last 9th of january. congrats hazel bessie king tan-ting. ngyah! grabiiiha na last name dah! hehe.. hmmm.. everybody is really getting hitched. nagkagamay ang akong kalahi. nyehehe.. well as my friend kim says, some people are just born to enjoy single life longer, if not forever. it's the art of being contented that matters. o see? i consider kim as the prettiest among my friends (really!) and yet single pa dyapon siya till now. i guess it's really hard for us pretty girls to find the right guy for us. ngyeheheh! as if! =D

busy bum

i feel so fat today. i think i ate a zillion chocolates last night! (the almond eggs type) i'm not a chocolate eater so my stomach really complained afterwards. we were playing cards through the night (chikicha.. hehe.) so i was picking and picking bits of chocolate eggs until the end of the game. that was 2 hours! man! to think that i skipped the gym yesterday only to eat tons of chocolates!! darn! now i really have to go today. i must. i must. i must improve my.. err.. 'nuff with my mumbles.

being a bum, i thought i would be able to make an entry everyday since i wouldn't be busy with anything. so much for that thought. i haven't been in any writing mode lately. i dunno. it seems that i only get the urge to write whenever i am depressed or angry. and since i am going through a neutral mode right now - which means i'm neither depressed nor angry, i can't make myself to write. oh well, i'd take my "neutral" self over my "writer" (daw!) self anytime. =)

***

these past few days of bumming have been busy. that is - busy catching up with old friends, either chatting or emailing them. and who would have thought that i have one friend who is into blogging also? ngyehehe.. bad introduction gers! haha.. but for everyone out there, please check my friend Gerson Boston's blog from time to time in the near future. ayaw sa lang karon kay walay sulod. ngek!

ooohhhh! the ooohhhhh is for boracay! hehe.. kalaong mo ikaw gers! hehe.. wow! naka tie-dyed shirt pa jud.. boracay outfit gid ah.. yudi! now that picture made me miss boracay. *sniff sniff*

survey time

My first day of bumming. And like what usually happens when I don't have any reason to wake up to, I woke up early. Grrrr! Would love to sleep more but my eyes and my body just won't cooperate with what I want to do. So here I am, drinking coffee and tinkering my notebook again. As I was blog-hopping, I got through some who have this survey I answered below. I don't know where they got it but I liked it so here's my turn.


      Five Things You May Not Know About My Time in School

• I got a red C (equivalent to 75 for failure!) in my quarterly card for Math when I was in Grade 2. That was my first and last. The C made me study math, love math, and be good at it. (umm, a little. hehe.)
• I was a pambato for singing contests in grade school but only goes second to my stepsister who always win the contests. I switched to dancing in high school mostly dancing with my stepsister's friends.
• I usually have a part in programs in high school - either to say the opening prayer, opening remarks or closing remarks, or to dance.
• I was a consistent honor student in high school and graduated second honorable mention.
• I graduated high school without a boyfriend.

      Five Things You May Not Know About the Job/s I Have
      (or Had or Don't Have)

• My first job was for a Cebu-based Japanese company that is just a year old where everybody hired is trained in Japan.
• My first job was like an extension of college, more studying, but with pay now.
• I have worked as an asparagus picker and lasted only a day as I got sick the very next day. It was pure hard labor. Whew!
• I worked at a call center from Nov 2001- December 2004 providing tech support to idiot Americans.
• I wish to put up an art or fashion business. (plan to study art =))

      Five Things You May Not Know About My Online Life      

• I am always online. Always - 24/7.
• I chat over IRC and Yahoo chat when I am super bored but I usually just chat with whoever is online of my friends on YM.
• After reading the news at PDI and Philstar, I mostly blog-hop, chat with friends on YM, or write(email, blog) when I'm online.
• I have always maintained a website or some kind every year since I learned to make one (1997).
• I once made it a point to have an email account to any free email account providers. Name it, I have it. Now I only keep and check gmail and rocketmail, and yahoo once in a while.

      Five Things You May Not Know About Where I Live

• I currently live with a family with 2 sons renting one of the rooms.
• We live in a single bungalow house with 4 rooms.
• I live in Ottawa, Canada.
• I live in the capital city of Canada.
• I live in a place where half of the year is freakin' freezing cold. =(

      Five Things You May Not Know About My Home Life

• We stay in our own private rooms most of the time.
• We only see each other when watching a movie at the sala.
• All my callers call me on my cellphone. So when the home phone rings, I don't answer it, even if I'm the only one left home. Hehehe.
• We each have our own notebooks (2 sons and I) and we each play loud music at the same time. (I know it's crazy, and noisy too. Hehe.)
• I don't touch any chore related to snow. Shovel? Nahhh. Sorry.

      Five Things You May Not Know that I Desperately Want

• a Mac G5
• a cute Canon digital camera
• a Hummer
• a yearly round-trip ticket (Phils.-Canada)
• a lover *har har har*

      Five Embarrassing Fannish Admissions I Have That You May Not Know

• I was an ardent gwapings fan and used to melt on Eric Fructuoso.
• I was a die hard Shery Cruz fan to the point that I sent her a letter to ask for an autographed picture. I got one but I don't know where the picture is now.
• I used to love Leonardo di Caprio when he wasn't famous yet.
• I loved Palibhasa Lalake and watched the show till the last episode.
• I was and still am a shameless Jason Priestley fan. I brought with me the Beverly Hills 90210 memoir I have of him that was given by a friend when we were still in Japan.

      Five Things You May Not Know About What I Do in a Typical Day

• The minute I wake up, I first check my email.
• I am on YM 24/7, invisible most of the time.
• I change to my pajamas right when I get home.
• If I'm not in front of the computer, I'm in my bed reading a book.
• I go to the gym.

Hear me out ladies!

I just hate it when journalists generalize their comments. Like they present their feelings and views as the feelings and views of the entire nation too.

After FPJ's death in December, Susan Roces once again came into the limelight when she spoke out against what she felt was the mass media's biased coverage of her husband's campaign and lashed out against the insincerity of politicians now rushing to pay homage to FPJ.

The nation noticed, and approved, touched by her ability to speak out, mincing no words and yet maintaining her composure.

- Pinoy Kasi: Michael Tan of PDI

Umm, hello? The nation did noticed as I bet her face was all over the idiot box, but approved?? Touched?? I do not approve and I know a hell lot of people who do not approve of her attitude when her husband died. She seems to direct that some people were politicking her husband's death when it was she herself who was politicking.

Ms. Roces, please just shut up. I would have admired you if you have just mourned quietly. Did you really have to whine at that time? You do have the right to rant as it's a free country but it just wasn't the right time. Unless of course you have plans of getting into politics, of which I am really getting suspicious of now. Please please prove me wrong on this notion.

I don't know but I feel something brewing secretly. Ever heard of Corazon Aquino? I hope I'm wrong.

***

Macapagal-Arroyo is just plain dense. For saying that the tsunami that hit several Asian countries should make the Philippines more attractive as a tourist destination is heartless. It was boorish and uncalled for. How could she say that? It was like rubbing salt to injury. It was like saying "beeh buti nga sa inyo nang dito naman magsipunta ang mga turista." Such a cheap way to promote tourism in our country. And did she think our beaches are safe? Can she guarantee that to the tourists, much less to us that our beaches are safe? It's GLOBAL warming for crying out loud! No beach is safe anywhere in the world.

Naman Ms. President. I don't know if it's because of too much association with Kris Aquino (thereby being that tactless now) or you're really just that - cold and heartless.

Y O U

Yes you.

You're a lurker, right?

Only a few of my close friends know about this site. I haven't made this site public yet as my life is still a mess with nothing to be proud of. When I feel like I have crept up from the pit I'm in right now, perhaps I'll go public and will shamelessly plug the site to all the groups I'm affiliated with. In the meantime, I'll stay quiet in this corner with only a few readers, with some like you - a lurker. And since you're just a lurker, I'm sure you think I'm really a neurotic person in real life. Well, partly I am. But what I write here isn't even half of my personality. Not even 5%. So If you're planning to judge me on the basis of what I have written in this blog, please don't. You don't know me. Most of the times, this is just my sounding board to rant about my life that sucks right now. I may write about hating somebody at some point but it doesn't mean that I hate that person after that. Change is a constant thing. Same goes with my feelings. I may hate you right now but give me a couple of minutes and I'll love you back again. Confused? Don't be. That's just the way I am. Perhaps I really am neurotic. Hehe.

Disclaimer: I am writing this blog not to please you. If you're in any way offended by my views and opinions about life, love, men, women, children, The Philippines, daijins and anything I write about, I am not sorry. I repeat, I am not sorry. These are my views and this is my blog and I have the right to post them as I like. I do not answer to you nor to anybody else. If anything is copied for distribution, please give attribution to me, the author, or I'll hunt you wherever you are to pluck your nose hairs or p#$$y hairs whichever is convenient.


Ngyehehe..

2005 Goals

First things first...

------------------------------------------------------------

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!   ^_^
love you.. mmuaaahhh!

------------------------------------------------------------

Two days has passed for 2005 and all I talked about are men. Geez Amee! Get a life! Okay, I won't be writing about any of my men (hahaha.. as if!) for the rest of the month. Promise.

I was thinking of making resolutions for this year but I'll ditch that instead because I know I can't even pull off half of it. So let's talk about my goals instead. This way, I would be driven to accomplish something while having some sense of purpose. This way too, I would be able to evaluate myself at the end of the year and see if I have achieved those goals.

Goals for 2005
.: have a month-long vacation to the Philippines or let Mama visit me here
.: move to an apartment or buy a car
.: lose weight (target: 112 lbs) and maintain it
.: enroll in a class
.: get my tattoo

Pretty attainable, aight? Let's see if I can work it out.

***

Have I announced that my brother is engaged! Yohooo! My brother is engaged!!! I talked to his fiancee over the phone for more than 3 hours and we were like long lost sisters. Yey! What can I say? She's cool and I'm cool so we're good. Hehe. I'm so happy for them. It was so funny to hear from her how my brother proposed. Hahaha. Didn't know my brother is such a romantic. Awwwww.

***

a forwarded text message

Certain people touch your heart and you can't stop thinking about them. That's the kind of person you are, absent yet so near.

Awwwww. Guess who sent me that. *wink wink*

***

things are really getting creepy these days -- the super typhoons back home, the recent earthquake that resulted to the tsunami, the snowstorm in Southern California, the floods in LA, the heavy rains in Sanfo, the extreme cold here as early as December... and these are just what i know of. i know there are other things going on i haven't heard of.

acts of nature that nobody can run away.

freaky eh?

***

On a very sad note, my twin barkada's father died last January 1. I know they were ready for this but it's still sad when I think about it. My heart go to Phoebe and Haydee in this sad new year for them. =(

The men in my life.

I was in my 5th grade in elemetary when I started seriously minding the opposite sex. The guy, or rather the boy was a couple of years younger than me. But boy he was cute. Really! Up to now, while even writing this piece, I still giggle when I remember those times. His name was Brian. He was my only crush till I graduated high school. That is how loyal I can be. I won't spill out the details of the freaky things I did just to get his attention. Mind you, I really did something very very freaky and outrageous just to be near him. Yikes! Creepy high school Amee. Hehe. I outgrew my strong infatuation with him when I had my first boyfriend. The last time I heard about him, he courted one of my high school best friends. Hahaha. I hope she dumped him for me. Weheee! Now I'm being high school. Heh!

So the second man who wreaked havoc in my life was my first boyfriend - The Flame. I'm giving him that nick as it seems that he can never put out the flame for me. Naks! Mahangin. Haha. Anyway, I met him summer of '91 at my Lola's hometown. I can still vividly remember the scenario like I'm watching it in slowmo. It was a Friday as I was concentratingly watching Beverly Hills 90210. Everyone was out of the house attending my cousin Marj's candidacy for the purok rayna rayna money contest. I was left at home as being a Jason Priestley fanatic, I won't leave until his show is over. So they left me to my lonesome self. Past 9pm, my childhood friend Elce came back to pick me up and watch the rayna rayna. I don't know but I guess I'm that special back then. Heh! With nothing left to watch and do, I went with her for the show.

Slowmo... Me with my waist-long hair, eyes straight ahead (I'm suplada and I don't look around) walking with my friend passing through 2 handsome guys staring at me.

Hahaha.. Assuming. Actually, that was how he described to me on how I got his attention. Okay, I'm exaggerating of course. Oh well, indulge me. Anyway, that was the start on how The Flame saw me and looked for me and found me and wooed me. He officially became my boyfriend the 3rd of Nov 1992. My first boyfriend. My fourth. My seventh. See? That shows how on-off our relationship went. He just can't stop coming back to me. And fool as I am, I keep on taking him back. Hehe. Stupid me eh?

The third and fourth males were actually just flings - flings I had while my relationship with The Flame was hazy. Lloyd, the third guy, became my boyfriend for only over a month. It wasn't anything serious. He was the first guy I actually allowed to take me to school. Eeew! That was embarrassing. I am not good at the gf/bf thingy display at school. That was the first and the last. A month later, he found out he got his ex-gf pregnant and had to marry her. Months after he got married, he actually asked me to go out with him again. Geez! The first up-front proof of how twisted a man's brain can be.

Daboy is the second fling. It lasted only a week. We only had one date to record - watched a movie at Ayala the title I can't even remember. It could have worked had I wanted it to work. I haven't even acknowledged him as a boyfriend till now. Hehe. Poor guy. I don't know but at those times, they were like games. I guess because they were like band-aids - temporary cures for the marks The Flame has incurred.

Afterwhich, The Flame and I got back together. There were some guys who tried to come in between but I just had no interest in them. Even a dozen of long-stemmed super red roses or a mini disc could not sway me. See how loyal I was to The Flame? Hehe.

And then I came here in Canada. Had an affair for 2 days to Mr. Pristine. What can I say for 2 days? 2 words. Nothing much.

The Paramour is one guy who made a major impact in my life. I won't elaborate much as only a chosen few knew about him. Things happen for a reason and his coming to my life was perhaps for a greater reason. The effects are astounding. It changed my life big-time and I still don't know where this leads to. He started the change and the dominoe effect hasn't finished yet. Somehow I am starting to understand why he came to my life. Still, his identity shall remain classified.

And of course The Father is there. He is one proof that some few good ones still exist. It is only with him that I felt secured. Sad that I can't return the same emotions with as much passion.

Then the boylet. I'm not about to forget him. His was a rollercoaster ride I enjoyed. It kept my mind off The Flame and that I'm thankful for.

These are the men who I somehow got involved with in some way or another. In between them, of course I had other crushes to a lot of other guys, but they were the ones who made marks on what I have become today and on how I view life.

Now I'm without any man. Alone. Waiting for DaWan.

Ya think he'll come?

*sigh*


I won't settle for anything less.

just babbling...

I've been sleeping very late lately (3am!) pinning my face on my computer doing graphics for my new blog layout. There's just too many designs to choose from that I can't decide what to do. Ahhhhhh! I want something funky yet formal yet plain and simple. Could I mix that? Duh?!? I don't know. For now, I'm sticking with this blogger layout until I can make one that I really really love and will stick to for years. Uhmm, that sounds like my other mantra - to stick to celibacy until DaWan (that I really really love) comes around. Heh!

***

I said I would have my last laugh and I did and that was enough. Knowing he's actually sorry for what he had done is enough for me. I have thought of revenge before but that's just not me anymore. He is forgiven. In fact, anyone who has erred me in any way is already forgiven.

Older and wiser and at peace - that I can say of myself.

A great way to start the year! ^_^

***

I have 3 days of work left and then I'm done with this job. Yet I haven't even signed any paper to formalize my new job. Oooohhh. This is scary. Hehe.

the flame that never goes off

i have always believed in my instinct because most of the times i have always been right with it.

a few weeks ago, i received an email in my rocketmail account from some unknown sender. an unknown email address but the subject gave away information about the sender. right from the subject, i already had an idea from whom it came from. oh wait.. it wasn't only my idea or my instinct, i knew it. i knew who it came from and i was even sure of it.

i didn't mind the email. it was just a forwarded message anyway.

just awhile ago, i checked my yahoo account. it has been ages since i have checked it as i got tired trying what my password is. i just really wanted to open it today as a friend told me she sent me an email into that account. so i tried and actually got through the first password try. *rolling eyes* i only have 4 different passwords to try so i don't know what the heck happened the last time i tried those passwords. computers are really freaky sometimes. anyway, so i got in my inbox and guess what? i got another email from the same email address with the same subject. i thought i would find another forwarded email. to my surprise, he actually made himself known.

the balls of the guy! wow! it didn't take long for him to come back. i thought at least he'd wait a year.

so what do i do now?

plans...

i knew it! i knew the last laugh would be mine. *evil grin*