The men in my life.

I was in my 5th grade in elemetary when I started seriously minding the opposite sex. The guy, or rather the boy was a couple of years younger than me. But boy he was cute. Really! Up to now, while even writing this piece, I still giggle when I remember those times. His name was Brian. He was my only crush till I graduated high school. That is how loyal I can be. I won't spill out the details of the freaky things I did just to get his attention. Mind you, I really did something very very freaky and outrageous just to be near him. Yikes! Creepy high school Amee. Hehe. I outgrew my strong infatuation with him when I had my first boyfriend. The last time I heard about him, he courted one of my high school best friends. Hahaha. I hope she dumped him for me. Weheee! Now I'm being high school. Heh!

So the second man who wreaked havoc in my life was my first boyfriend - The Flame. I'm giving him that nick as it seems that he can never put out the flame for me. Naks! Mahangin. Haha. Anyway, I met him summer of '91 at my Lola's hometown. I can still vividly remember the scenario like I'm watching it in slowmo. It was a Friday as I was concentratingly watching Beverly Hills 90210. Everyone was out of the house attending my cousin Marj's candidacy for the purok rayna rayna money contest. I was left at home as being a Jason Priestley fanatic, I won't leave until his show is over. So they left me to my lonesome self. Past 9pm, my childhood friend Elce came back to pick me up and watch the rayna rayna. I don't know but I guess I'm that special back then. Heh! With nothing left to watch and do, I went with her for the show.

Slowmo... Me with my waist-long hair, eyes straight ahead (I'm suplada and I don't look around) walking with my friend passing through 2 handsome guys staring at me.

Hahaha.. Assuming. Actually, that was how he described to me on how I got his attention. Okay, I'm exaggerating of course. Oh well, indulge me. Anyway, that was the start on how The Flame saw me and looked for me and found me and wooed me. He officially became my boyfriend the 3rd of Nov 1992. My first boyfriend. My fourth. My seventh. See? That shows how on-off our relationship went. He just can't stop coming back to me. And fool as I am, I keep on taking him back. Hehe. Stupid me eh?

The third and fourth males were actually just flings - flings I had while my relationship with The Flame was hazy. Lloyd, the third guy, became my boyfriend for only over a month. It wasn't anything serious. He was the first guy I actually allowed to take me to school. Eeew! That was embarrassing. I am not good at the gf/bf thingy display at school. That was the first and the last. A month later, he found out he got his ex-gf pregnant and had to marry her. Months after he got married, he actually asked me to go out with him again. Geez! The first up-front proof of how twisted a man's brain can be.

Daboy is the second fling. It lasted only a week. We only had one date to record - watched a movie at Ayala the title I can't even remember. It could have worked had I wanted it to work. I haven't even acknowledged him as a boyfriend till now. Hehe. Poor guy. I don't know but at those times, they were like games. I guess because they were like band-aids - temporary cures for the marks The Flame has incurred.

Afterwhich, The Flame and I got back together. There were some guys who tried to come in between but I just had no interest in them. Even a dozen of long-stemmed super red roses or a mini disc could not sway me. See how loyal I was to The Flame? Hehe.

And then I came here in Canada. Had an affair for 2 days to Mr. Pristine. What can I say for 2 days? 2 words. Nothing much.

The Paramour is one guy who made a major impact in my life. I won't elaborate much as only a chosen few knew about him. Things happen for a reason and his coming to my life was perhaps for a greater reason. The effects are astounding. It changed my life big-time and I still don't know where this leads to. He started the change and the dominoe effect hasn't finished yet. Somehow I am starting to understand why he came to my life. Still, his identity shall remain classified.

And of course The Father is there. He is one proof that some few good ones still exist. It is only with him that I felt secured. Sad that I can't return the same emotions with as much passion.

Then the boylet. I'm not about to forget him. His was a rollercoaster ride I enjoyed. It kept my mind off The Flame and that I'm thankful for.

These are the men who I somehow got involved with in some way or another. In between them, of course I had other crushes to a lot of other guys, but they were the ones who made marks on what I have become today and on how I view life.

Now I'm without any man. Alone. Waiting for DaWan.

Ya think he'll come?

*sigh*


I won't settle for anything less.